My Dear Friends,
I want to thank you so much for the love and care with which you have showered me. Your love has made a big difference to me and has reinforced that I am not alone.
I have cancer. There, I said it. It’s either Leukemia or Lymphoma depending on how it’s categorized. Treatment is the same regardless.
I have chosen to be a patient at Sloan. I will be there for 30 days. That’s their protocol. I’ve been told the first 30 days can be tough but given my state of health it may not be so bad. It’s a long road of ahead, but I spoke to the head of the department and he is very optimistic I can have a full recovery.
It’s a rare lymphoma, aggressive and all, but it is treatable and possibly curable.
I know the road ahead will be rough, with times of real fear and despair, but who knows… maybe I’ll surprise myself. At the moment, I am okay… because I know I’m being treated by the best in the world.
I think ultimately when the fear is stripped, I do believe in the power to help heal myself and, while I will let western medicine do all it can, I will do everything in my power to think, visualize eat, and speak “full recovery.” Most of all, that’s how I want you to relate to me (with some hugs.)
Love and compassion help me and when I believe, have faith, feel power: everything shifts. I feel it in my body and in my moods. My thoughts change. Sometimes there are no words to say and just being in the presence of love, I believe, will strengthen my immune system. That and my ki energy treatments I am talking : )
Yes my life is upside down now and we are in shock, but I plan on looking for the good in this. When I am cured, and along the way, I will surely discover many new things about myself and my life. We all say that a lot but somehow I know it will stick with me. I hope I can limit my bad depressed moods.
Randy has been an angel for me and this has only reinforced the deep love I have for her. Jake, with whom I spend every day working together, has been positive and focused and yet I’m his dad so there is an obvious sadness. Michael is in school and I trust he will be fine– sad but optimistic. Layla looks very sad though : ) and my sister has been helping us navigate all the way.
It wasn’t my eating, my diet, or my lifestyle that had me get this disease and I may never know exactly how it ended up in my chest or what was the cause. I may never know… but I promise that I will be looking at my life in a way that will give me more peace, more gratefulness, and more love. And as you know, I rarely look at anything at face value or as a given (except that the Jets will always lose at the end.)
My life is forever changed.
I am on a new journey to see what pain or unfinished business I haven’t resolved in my life. I am on a journey to get healed, to heal myself and to empower all the people and love that go into treating me. I am grateful for that.
I believe my life will ultimately become richer and fuller from this. I believe my business will get better because I will have more clarity; I will not be chasing the dollar as much as my passions.
I’m scared; the unknown is scary. I’ve survived a lot in my life, especially in my childhood; turmoil, suffering, shame, and fear. I always made it happen and now I want to make it happen but in a more peaceful meaningful way.
This is my toughest challenge and I’m up to it.
Thank you and I love you all.
Nathan
I feel extremely blessed and truly grateful to have met you. I am so proud of how you have healed yourself from the inside out; you have shifted Nathan, from FEAR to LOVE. YOU are right, YOU are a builder, and a creator. Just Look at how YOU and G-d have manifested the MIRACLE of being cancer-free in Union together.
REMEMBER: Whenever those old fearful (imagined) thoughts come to mind say “Oh Shift!!”, then quickly think of 5 things to be grateful for……….Finally, SURRENDER, have FAITH and BELIEVE IN MIRACLES
Nathan, Randy, Jake & Michael
Yu and I have been reading your blog and you have been in our thoughts and prayers since we found out. I can’t even image what you guys are going through and how difficult it must be. Of course we wish you a fast recovery and hope we can all be out on the ski slopes as soon as possible. We love you guys and can’t wait to see you bright and happy again at the Schwartzbaum superbowl party this February.
Happy Chanukah and get well soon
Baby marc pics coming soon too
love
Marc & Yu
Was so sorry to hear the news but great letter and great attitude. You’re a strong man and all those years paying attention to your body and taking care of yourself will pay off. No doubt you’ll get thru this and be back grabbing rebounds soon…
I have more thoughts to share, and will do so as soon as I get a moment to breathe into it. Just wanted to say, in light of Steven’s comment, that this may be the only time I ever cared about whether the Jets win or not :-). If this is a sign, so be it. I know that there are many others and they are all pointing in the direction of a deep and profound healing – for my brother and for anyone touched by the ripples of his loving energy.
Nathan,
It was great seeing you on Saturday, I only wish it was under different circumstances. I know you are starting chemo today and we all have you in our thoughts & prayers. When I heard of your diagnosis the first thing that came into my mind was that famous book “When bad things happen to good people” “Nathan-Cancer?-No Way!”
It’s great to see what an awesome support system you have: Your wife, your kids, your sister, parents and all your friends and family! I believe in my heart without a shadow of a doubt that you WILL beat this just as you have beaten so many other things in your life. You are a conqueror & fighter and you are off to a great start especially considering that your beloved JETS actually won a game yesterday 🙂
Love Steve
Dear Nathan,
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am so sorry you are going through this. Your strength and positive will is remarkable. Sending you lots of love and positive healing wishes.
Nisa
Dear Nathan,
I’m so moved by your strength and will. I know how scary it must be for you, Randy and the boys, but your not alone. You are surrounded by family and friends that love you. Your indelible spirit and positive energy will get you through this detour in your life. Stay strong and never give into the darkness. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
All the best ,
Marty Mellin
Nathan,
If there is ever a time in life to reflect and be courageous, it is now. Don’t let yourself go into a dark place, however, difficult it may be in the coming months. Don’t let this fight overcome you, you overcome it. Charles and I are thinking about you. We are out there rooting for you.
Allison
Dear Nathan
I stumbled upon this by sheer accident and needless to say, was shocked beyond reason. First due to the obvious, overwhelming questions of WHY, how and when. Second by the fact that I never knew you were so eloquent and soulful. (Insert smile here). I am lost for words as this is more about emotion. I’m saddened and horrified that you must endure this journey , but confident that you will emerge VICTORIOUS. You’re words are inspiring at the very least. My daughter is currently living in Israel and she will say a prayer for you there, where perhaps GOD has the volume up a bit higher and can hear better. I will keep you in my prayers here, until I read that you are back home with your loved ones and feeling well again.
with warm wishes and positive thinking, always.
Sherry
Dear Nathan
I stumbled upon this by sheer accident and needless to say, was shocked beyond reason. First due to the obvious, overwhelming questions of WHY, how and when. Second by the fact that I never knew you were so eloquent and soulful. (Insert smile here). I am lost for words as this is more about emotion. I’m saddened and horrified that you must endure this journey , but confident that you will emerge VICTORIOUS. You’re words are inspiring at the very least. My daughter is currently living in Israel and she will say a prayer for you their, where perhaps GOD has the volume up a bit higher and can hear better. I will keep you in my prayers here, until I read that you are back home with your loved ones and feeling well again.
with warm wishes and positive thinking, always.
Sherry
Nathan, my first and most obvious reaction to reading this is the sadness of knowing what you are going through. The thought that immediately followed is that you are correct! Modern medicine, the protocols and the clinical trials that Sloan can offer you will get you through this. and more importantly the inner strength and determination you possess —-as you point out are partners to that and key to the healing process.
Hashem will be with you on this personal journey to keep you strong in and out. Randy, who from what I hear you say in your blog, is a true Eshet Chayel and will be your determination and support when needed. And your children will be your inspiration to keep going realizing each day will be bringing you one day closer to full recovery.
Yes, there will be some real crappy days, but your will WILL see you through to the time when life will return to a sense of normalcy.
I have faith in you, I pray for a full and easy Refuah Shlemah and will keep you in my prayers each day.
Fondly, Sandy
Please send me on FB message or include on here your full Hebrew name so I may ask my son, Doron to say Mesheberech for you
All our love and thoughts are with you and your beautiful family. I truly admire your inner strength. You are truly an inspiration and we have confidence that with all the love and support you will beat this. love, Renee and Ken
Great Job Nathan, keep it up. Attitude is the key and you have the right one.
We were all shocked just as you were. We are all with you and behind you. Anything you need or want, just let us know.
No need to say that we love you, you know that. I will communicate with your MOM (she is a real trooper) She has come a long way. So you can relax on that subject. and Nurit. She just told me about the blog. (what do I know about blogs?) I hope you get this message.
Hope to see you soon, keep up the good work.
Love you
Chana Zwi and the rest of the gang
Nathan
I am in israel. Right now. Thinking about you and praying for you. My first visit. Sloan Kettering saved my mom TWICE and they will do the same for you. And you will do it too. And not only do you have the best doctors you also have the best family. Love to you and Randy. You are strong and brave and you will see this through. Xoxo deb
Nathan — this is so well written. I admire your courage and strength and I wish you the best on this journey. Stay strong, and stay positive! Sending you lots of hugs and love — and to Randy as well!
Cindy
Thank you so much for the kind words.. I’m here day 1.. I’ll probably start the protocol as they say it, tomorrow.
Im tired for sure..Still havent’ met the head honcho here but i feel very comfortable with the support staff here
Dear Nathan,
You are a force to be reckoned with. With the love of a great woman and your beautiful family, you will endure and come out the other end.
I wish you and Randy comfort and prayers for a speedy recovery. You will be in my thoughts over the next few months. In sharing your journey, you are an inspiration and an example of true courage. With so much love, Jamie
Hi Nathan,
I am so sorry to hear about this unfortunate disease that you contracted.
With modern medicine today and the latest breakthroughs that are coming to light every day,i am confident you will make a full recovery.
You picked the best place in the world to receive treatment for this illness and I am confident they will heal you.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Please stay strong and only think positive thoughts as you will beat this…
Best Regards,
Robert
Nathan….I am blown away by your strength and courage to take this most difficult journey on. Think of yourself as a warrior able to win all battles no matter where they manifest from. You will see such clarity when this is all over. Like you said…looking at things differently. And who knows, maybe your passion will be steered in a whole new direction. In 1996 I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer stage 2. I had 9 months of chemo and radiation. It was no walk in the park. I had no family or friends as I had just moved to NY. So the angels that showed up were amazing…so supportive and loving. It wasn’t easy, but my internal strength and positivity got me through it! Since then, I have been dedicated to take good care of myself…juicing, herbs, rebounding and make conscious choices how I eat. I tap to rid myself of anger, resentment and always move into a state of forgiveness. So….I am inviting you Nathan, to use me as a resource….anything you need….if you want to do visualizations with hypnosis, foot reflexology or just another friend who has gone through a difficult road too… I am here for you!
Much love
Annie
Hi Nathan,
We are sorry to hear this news but ae confident that your positive attitude, strength along with te love and support of all your family and friends will get you through to a full recovery.
Of course, we have to give some credit to the advancements in Medical treatment at Sloan. They are on the forefront and will succeed in achieving your full recovery. We extend our heartfelt wishes for a full and speedy recovery. Please let us know if we can do anything for you , Randy and the boys. We would also like to visit you if you are open o visitation. Best of luck. Stay strong!
Love
Glenn and Jamie
My prayers and the prayers of our community are with you and your family, Nathan, especially in these challenging days — thanks so much for this inspired and inspiring post. Mayt you feel bathed in love each step of the way forward.
Nathan
You and Randy have played an important role in my life for over 28 years. You’re one of the strongest , positive & most determined people I know. I also know you will beat this, and will come out with a brand new insight on life & love. Sometimes life throws a curveball . Your job is to come out ahead with your positive outlook on life. It will be extremely hard, but I know you can & will do it.
Anything you, Randy, or the kids need, I am just a phone call away. I think about you everyday & know that you will beat the hell out this disease.
All my love & support
Roberta
Nathan, your letter took my breath away — first with your news, and then, more importantly, with the clarity and purity of thought and mind with which you so so eloquently describe your reaction and the beginning of your journey. You exude peace and goodness and overwhelming love, my friend, and please know that I, and the many, many people who love you and Randy deeply and fiercely, are magnifying and reflecting that love right back to you. All of you are deep in my thoughts and embedded in my heart — I love you and am here for you now and always xoxo