Nathan's Blog

My Journey

Letter To My Friends

My Dear Friends,

I want to thank you so much for the love and care with which you have showered me. Your love has made a big difference to me and has reinforced that I am not alone.

I have cancer. There, I said it. It’s either Leukemia or Lymphoma depending on how it’s categorized. Treatment is the same regardless.

I have chosen to be a patient at Sloan. I will be there for 30 days. That’s their protocol. I’ve been told the first 30 days can be tough but given my state of health it may not be so bad. It’s a long road of ahead, but I spoke to the head of the department and he is very optimistic I can have a full recovery.
It’s a rare lymphoma, aggressive and all, but it is treatable and possibly curable.

I know the road ahead will be rough, with times of real fear and despair, but who knows… maybe I’ll surprise myself. At the moment, I am okay… because I know I’m being treated by the best in the world.

I think ultimately when the fear is stripped, I do believe in the power to help heal myself and, while I will let western medicine do all it can, I will do everything in my power to think, visualize eat, and speak “full recovery.” Most of all, that’s how I want you to relate to me (with some hugs.)
Love and compassion help me and when I believe, have faith, feel power: everything shifts. I feel it in my body and in my moods. My thoughts change. Sometimes there are no words to say and just being in the presence of love, I believe, will strengthen my immune system. That and my ki energy treatments I am talking : )

Yes my life is upside down now and we are in shock, but I plan on looking for the good in this. When I am cured, and along the way, I will surely discover many new things about myself and my life. We all say that a lot but somehow I know it will stick with me. I hope I can limit my bad depressed moods.

Randy has been an angel for me and this has only reinforced the deep love I have for her. Jake, with whom I spend every day working together, has been positive and focused and yet I’m his dad so there is an obvious sadness. Michael is in school and I trust he will be fine– sad but optimistic. Layla looks very sad though : ) and my sister has been helping us navigate all the way.

It wasn’t my eating, my diet, or my lifestyle that had me get this disease and I may never know exactly how it ended up in my chest or what was the cause. I may never know… but I promise that I will be looking at my life in a way that will give me more peace, more gratefulness, and more love. And as you know, I rarely look at anything at face value or as a given (except that the Jets will always lose at the end.)

My life is forever changed.

I am on a new journey to see what pain or unfinished business I haven’t resolved in my life. I am on a journey to get healed, to heal myself and to empower all the people and love that go into treating me. I am grateful for that.

I believe my life will ultimately become richer and fuller from this. I believe my business will get better because I will have more clarity; I will not be chasing the dollar as much as my passions.

I’m scared; the unknown is scary. I’ve survived a lot in my life, especially in my childhood; turmoil, suffering, shame, and fear. I always made it happen and now I want to make it happen but in a more peaceful meaningful way.

This is my toughest challenge and I’m up to it.

Thank you and I love you all.