(Tomorrow, after delays, I finally start my chemo.)
We want to shield them from pain no matter what their age. I want them not to hurt or worry about me. I want them to feel that I am the rock that I am supposed to be. But I can’t do much more than show them love- love that I have always showed them as well as the strength I am feeling… along with the vulnerability and fear I have going on with my faith.
What is somewhat freeing to me is that they are going to do what they are going to do. They will process this through their own filters. They are unique souls and actually have been since they came into this world.
It doesn’t make my pain any less.
We never want our kids to hurt but I really have little control over their reactions and how they sit alone with their own thoughts and process the situation. They will be okay… that I know… The pain is really my pain. I know that I have instilled enough of a home, a physical and spiritual home that they can always return to and, ultimately, that will be enough.
We all love our kids so much and, me being sick, I feel no different except that now they know I am not superman. But I’m still their dad and, by the way, my undying faith is that this will all turn out happy.
Oh, how we love our kids.