Nathan's Blog

My Journey

I didn’t ask for this?

I wish I could go back in time 3 or 4 weeks. I didn’t ask for this. Not for cancer.

Well on the other hand I have been asking for years, almost my whole life since I was a child, for a sense of peace and belongingness.

What is this fear that holds me back? Why haven’t I fulfilled on my reward points project where I truly feel I can change peoples lives or why did I not yet find a way to transfer my knowledge and experience to other companies and help them grow the way I know I can? Why has it been such a struggle when it used to be easier? What is it that stops me from being my true greatness?

I didn’t ask for this disease, but I knew something had to change in my life. I didn’t want this. Who would ever? But I know there is something for me to transform into.

When will I feel free… real freedom like the moments I have experienced in my life? I have been through businesses transactions, a flag football championship, skiing a glacier, biking a treacherous hill, difficult conversations, creating intimacy, connecting with a stranger, seeing an old relative, feeling deep love with a child or my wife or a friend, overcoming a fearful moment and conquering it.

I didn’t ask for this, and if I think past tomorrow’s treatment, I can become paralyzed with fear. So far I have not allowed that.

I am thinking about making the best use of this time whether it be just doing nothing and resting or getting closer to God or just planning my business expansion. As long as it feels right and from a place of knowing, it will be good.


  • Reply Vered Pasternak |

    Dear Nathan,

    It is hard for me to be articulate in English (especially in situation like this) but I will do my best.

    Nurit was the one who told me about your blog and since then I am following your recovery. I admire you for the the approach you chose to take here to help the doctors to heal yourself. Most people I know will chose the victim approach. As far as I read here you don’t ask “why me” you ask “what is lesson here for me?!”.
    Not a lot of people are able to do it in such a hard core situation and for that: כל הכבוד!!!
    Your blog is a source of healing for a lot of people…including myself!

    I read this today:
    ” What I think and feel produces change. My challenge today is to maximize health in my thoughts and behavior, and to know that the Divine Spirit is an active participant in my good health. I am conscious of my good health and grateful for the freedom it creates. I extend my hands and l am aware of their ability to grasp all that I desire in life. I plant my feet firmly on the earth and acknowledge my grounding in a healthy reality. I take a deep breath and acknowledge my acceptance of positive and vibrant thoughts and my release of old, stale patterns. As I move through this day, I have all I need to feel good!

    Nathan, I think about you every day and from the bottom of my heart wish you full recovery.
    Sending your way lots of love

  • Reply Ziv Lachish |

    Now ….the most important thing is to concentrate on recovery !!!
    I know how hard it is, but you are a strong young man who comes from a strong family !!!
    I continue to follow you in every step you walk up to the healing
    Love and hugs

  • Reply Mindy Strum |

    Hi Nathan,

    We’re all sending out positive thoughts and prayers to you and the whole family…

    The Rosenbergs, Strums, Ostrows, and Forscheins

Post a comment