Hi, it has been a while.
My prognosis hasn’t changed. I am in remission, however my chemotherapy protocol will remain the same. As the doctor emphasized, in order to make sure the cancer never returns I must submit myself to a sometimes “grueling” chemo program over the next 6 to 12 months and although that is somewhat subject to change, that’s the schedule I’ve been given.
I have spent this week in the city getting a cocktail of chemotherapy drugs, and a party it isn’t. For me it has become a job to find treatments that help mitigate my nausea. I have such an aversion to that feeling (and who doesn’t) and I will do anything not to feel that way. It’s tough of course, unavoidable sometimes, but I have found some great alternative methods, most notably acupuncture, some teas, even meditation, all which has helped more than I had anticipated.
And through all this I am trying to get in a few hours of work, when I can, and at least assist Jake with our short-term business goals. I must admit, it has been incredibly difficult for me to focus, and that has become a source of stress I was hoping I wouldn’t have to experience.
When I look back on my life and my greatest achievements they mostly came naturally and organically. There was usually a logical next step or partnership of some sort. When I was young there were always choices and watershed moments that altered my life.
Sometimes opportunities were obvious and sometimes I created them, but they always seemed attainable. Maybe it would be a phone call, a letter, or just pure will that moved the dial for me.
I think about what I have been struggling to accomplish throughout these past couple of weeks: to let things be, to understand and accept my situation, to surrender to what is. I don’t need to force myself through unproductive meetings. I need to trust and know that the side effects of the chemotherapy show that it is actually working. I need to let go and trust that I am okay and that my business objectives will be met even as they change over time.
Instead of worrying, I feel much better when I allow myself to manifest and dream and create the future I want… because what other choice do I have? When I push too hard, I am met with the realities of my situation. And that is smack in my face. Instead of worrying, I can choose other ways to be. Again, this will take practice. I want to trust it all (a recurring theme in my blogs here, but hey, I’m still dealing with it every day.)
At the hospital there were many people coming in and out, all different prognoses and stages. I was always present to the fact that my treatment is working, when many others’ weren’t.
And in light of this I pray and hope and do believe that I am in the second and final half of this difficult stage in my life.