I wish I could go back in time 3 or 4 weeks. I didn’t ask for this. Not for cancer.
Well on the other hand I have been asking for years, almost my whole life since I was a child, for a sense of peace and belongingness.
What is this fear that holds me back? Why haven’t I fulfilled on my reward points project where I truly feel I can change peoples lives or why did I not yet find a way to transfer my knowledge and experience to other companies and help them grow the way I know I can? Why has it been such a struggle when it used to be easier? What is it that stops me from being my true greatness?
I didn’t ask for this disease, but I knew something had to change in my life. I didn’t want this. Who would ever? But I know there is something for me to transform into.
When will I feel free… real freedom like the moments I have experienced in my life? I have been through businesses transactions, a flag football championship, skiing a glacier, biking a treacherous hill, difficult conversations, creating intimacy, connecting with a stranger, seeing an old relative, feeling deep love with a child or my wife or a friend, overcoming a fearful moment and conquering it.
I didn’t ask for this, and if I think past tomorrow’s treatment, I can become paralyzed with fear. So far I have not allowed that.
I am thinking about making the best use of this time whether it be just doing nothing and resting or getting closer to God or just planning my business expansion. As long as it feels right and from a place of knowing, it will be good.